Love Is the Best Teacher
Love is always the best solution to any behavioral problem.
Why?
Because there is no defense against love.
No one wants to fight love with anger or revenge.
Does fear of punishment keep people from doing terrible or selfish things?
Yes, it does.
Is painful punishment the best way to teach, or is it better to teach by using love?
Love is always a better way to teach.
We all want love more than anything else.
How can love be used to correct selfish or bad behavior?
Using a loving tone of voice, combined with a nonviolent consequence, is the best overall teaching method.
A nonviolent consequence for children might be to take away their electronic devices for a while or to ground them temporarily.
For adults, a nonviolent consequence might be to pay a speeding ticket or to receive a restraining order.
For a country, a nonviolent consequence might be an economic sanction or a travel restriction.
My daughter wants my love and attention.
When I don’t give her my love and attention, she will exhibit both negative and positive behaviors to get them.
Since I want to teach her love, I must always be loving toward her.
My goal as a parent is to give her love and attention as much as possible.
How do I improve on doing that?
If she does something negative to get my attention, my instinctive reaction—not my loving reaction—is to get angry, say something angry, and deliver a violent punishing consequence such as a spanking.
After all, we need consequences for our behavior to learn, don’t we?
Yes, we do.
The first consequence that a parent can choose for a child who is acting up is a spanking, which is a negative consequence based on physical pain.
But that method teaches the child to be violent, not loving, so the child will use violent teaching methods as an adult.
The second consequence that a parent can choose for a child who is acting up is to yell in anger.
Does that work?
It can work temporarily, but again, that method teaches the child to be violent, not loving, so the child will use violent teaching methods as an adult.
That cycle can continue for generations—unless the cycle is broken by love.
How do you not use anger and physical pain to teach others in order to change their behavior?
A consequence is necessary, but it should be delivered with love and without anger or physical pain.
For example, I can take away my daughter’s electronic devices for a few days as a consequence for a behavior I don’t like.
But I can do that with a loving voice, not angry or screaming or emotionally scaring her, which is sometimes what I feel I want to do.
It’s up to me to decide not to do the thing I instinctively feel like doing, which is to scream in an angry voice.
Instead, I should say, “Honey, I love you, but because of what you did, you won’t have electronics for two days.”
That delivers a consequence that allows her to learn from a place of love.
I want her to learn, and she wants my love, which I want to give her.
If I deliver a physically or emotionally painful consequence with anger, there is no love in the teaching.
A Review of Teaching Methods
Which of the following methods is best?
Teaching by using physical pain with an angry attitude.
Teaching by taking something away for a while as a nonviolent consequence with an angry attitude.
Teaching by using physical pain with a loving attitude.
Teaching by taking something away for a while as a nonviolent consequence with a loving attitude.
Clearly, teaching with a loving attitude and a nonviolent consequence of taking something away is the best and most effective way to teach.
There needs to be a consequence, but it should be nonviolent, such as taking away for a while something that the individual values.
To be most effective, the nonviolent consequence should be delivered with love and without anger or any emotional abuse.
The teaching goal is to have a loving attitude along with a nonviolent consequence.
If you allow the other person to persuade you to shorten the consequence time you set, the teaching may not be effective.
That only teaches the other person how to manipulate you.
The goal is to teach with a loving attitude instead of anger.
That applies to how I deal with my child and also how I deal with all my adult relationships.
The goal is to have love dissolve all negative behavior.
Is that easy?
No!
Anger and physical violence are our natural human reactions to annoyance or opposition.
A loving attitude and nonphysical reactions take effort and practice.
But they are the goals we should constantly be aiming for.
My child needs me to teach her.
That is my job as a parent.
I can fail in that job by teaching with physical and emotional pain, or by neglecting her and not teaching her.
On the other hand, I can excel in the parenting job by teaching her with a loving attitude and no anger, combined with a nonviolent consequence.
Using physical pain—for example by spanking—is just a lazy approach to teaching, even if it is combined with a loving attitude, because nonviolent teaching takes time, patience, and follow-through.
All people want love and act out if they don’t get it.
Love is the best teacher.