The best summary of the book is the table of contents
(See chapters with subchapters listed)

Step 1: Finding a Mentor in an Expert Giver Group
Admit that you need help managing your instinctual drives, and are willing to become humble
and teachable, and to seek humility by finding a mentor in an Expert Giver Group and by
committing to being honest and accountable to that person.
Humility defined:
- A modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness.
Humiliate defined:
- To make someone feel ashamed and foolish by injuring his or her dignity and self-respect,
especially publicly.
Humility requires a modest or low view of your own importance. To be humble is to admit that
you don’t have all the answers, and so are teachable and open-minded.
Some people mock humility or put it down as if it were a weakness, but that comes from denial
or ignorance. Humility is required for honest self-examination. Humility is required to become
accountable to others, allowing them to give you constructive criticism so that you may advance in
your giving and service to others. Humility is saying, “I don’t know it all,” and then being open to
constructive feedback from others to examine how we can improve.
The reality is, you can’t always trust your own thoughts and ideas, because they are driven by
your instinctual drives, which can cause you to justify selfish behaviors, which in turn can result in
neglect or harm to yourself or others. Because of your instinctual drives, you can justify why it is
alright to be selfish or to harm others, directly or indirectly. Having humility means allowing
feedback, suggestions, and constructive criticism from other people who want to help you grow.
When you have ideas that may be selfish, practicing humility requires you to “tell on yourself” to
others to whom you are accountable.
Like an adolescent child, the ego says, “I know it all, and I decide everything for myself.” The
ego does not like to examine its faults or to practice humility. It prefers to justify its faults or blame
others for them.
The humble person responds, “The greater good is important. I don’t have all the answers, and
before taking a questionable action, I will check myself by being accountable to my motives, and I
will bounce this off my mentor or a close friend who cares about me and wants the best for me.”
Some people do not have good friends or mentors in their lives who can help them in this way,
or who have their best interests at heart. Many people do not have access to other people who really
care about them, want to see them succeed, and get better. Many people get together and validate the
selfish instinctual behaviors of their egos with each other. Relationships of this nature are empty and
unsatisfying. Ideally, both parties in a relationship should have a genuine desire to support each
other in encouraging service, unconditional giving, and forgiveness toward others. We need to
become examples and coaches for each other to encourage these qualities. But there are not many
places to go that give us the tools and methods that enable us to start interacting with these
intentions.
Humility is not the same as humiliation, which is the act of being dishonored, disgraced,
embarrassed, and shamed. When you see a big ego getting humiliated, you love it, because privately
you want that person to be taught a lesson and get put in his or her place. You want to see egotistical
people become humble because you don’t really appreciate, respect, or admire inflated egos.
Humiliation is painful, because it is meant to direct a person toward humility. It is the discipline
needed to correct egotistical behavior. None of us like discipline or being corrected, especially when
we are being selfish. A humble person, when confronted about being selfish, will simply say, “Yeah,
you’re right. Thanks for helping me to see that. Forgive me. I’ll try to do that differently next time.”
Some people pretend to admire others who have a big ego when, deep down, they don’t really
like them. No one likes people who brag about themselves, are selfish, and claim to know
everything. But we do appreciate, respect, and admire humility. We admire humble men and women
who don’t take selfish shortcuts that hurt others. Humble people can admit when they are wrong.
Humble people are not victims who blame others. Humble people are the ones we respect and
admire the most. They are the examples that we all need and want. Humility is true strength, not
weakness. What are you teaching others by your example?
Self-centeredness, driven by our instincts, hormones, and the illusion of separation, is the root of
our problems. Self-centeredness directs us to self-focus, seeking self-gratification, pleasure, sex, and
excessive money. Sometimes we justify hurting others in the process of satisfying our selfish
motives.
The selfish instinctual drives are not inherently bad or sinful. They are natural and human, but
become bad and sinful when they control us and dominate us, demanding more than is necessary,
and causing us to justify selfishly hurting ourselves and others. The ultimate goal is to live without
our instincts causing harm to ourselves or others. We need help with instinct management, and we
can’t do it alone. Humility is required to get the ongoing help and support we need from others.
Finding a mentor who can give you feedback is the first step toward gaining humility. Having a
mentor will be helpful in checking whether your choices are to serve or to be selfish—that is, if your
motives come from the heart or from self-centered instinctual drives. The latter can dominate and
blind you quickly if they are left unchecked and under your own stewardship. Alone you lose.
Together you win. Helping you is helping me.
Willingness to acquire humility is the first step toward becoming an Expert Giver. Humility is
required to take accountability and responsibility for our own lives. Humility is very rare in today’s
world because most people operate from an “I’m right, and you’re wrong” perspective. The blame
game is default human behavior. “It’s your fault. I didn’t do it.” People don’t like to admit how
they’re wrong. Many of us point the finger of blame at other people for our problems and
circumstances. We often seek to divert attention away from ourselves when we were wrong—
because the last thing we want to do is say, “I’m sorry,” or “I was wrong about that,” or “Please
forgive me, I just didn’t know.”
If you are your own mentor, your pride, ego, and instincts will not allow you to see and admit
when you are wrong. That would require you to examine your selfish motives before you act. The
process of accountability to another person requires humility, which is an admission that you need
help from others.
However, many of us have been hurt over and over again by different people throughout our
lives. We have all been let down, tricked, conned, and scammed. Because of that, we have given up
hope in the goodness of others, and in their ability to be trustworthy with our best interests at heart.
With the increasing fear of others and the lack of trust that most of us have, we don’t want to be
vulnerable, or to take the risk of being used or hurt by another’s selfish motives. Therefore, we have
become more and more isolated. Many people believe that the idea of others helping them with pure
motives is impossible. But being open to trusting again is required in order to develop a productive
relationship with a mentor.
We have lost trust in each other’s motives. But to change and grow, we need honest feedback
from each other, which involves trust. When people first go to an Expert Giver Group meeting, they
are received with open arms, and they experience other people who just want to help them get better.
At first, the newcomers may not trust that the help is without selfish motives. They may think,
What’s the catch here? But after a short time, they will realize that there is no catch. Then they begin
to truly appreciate the fact that most people there have good intentions to truly help each other grow
and succeed, without hidden motives for sex or money. How much do we experience this in the real
world? Sadly, not much. My goal with the Expert Giver Groups is to connect people with the goal of
unconditionally helping each other with no hidden motives and no strings attached.
I suggest that you choose a mentor from an Expert Giver meeting. This will be someone who
wants to help you grow, and who is committed to doing so. I do not recommend having people of the
opposite gender mentoring each other because of the possibility of sexual motives entering the
picture. But this is only a recommendation, not a rule. The mentor is there to help you go through the
Seven Steps, to develop an accountability feedback relationship, and to share experience, strength,
and hope.
Your mentor’s goal is to have a sincere desire to help you without seeking anything in return.
Follow your gut and your intuition. It is okay to change mentors. I recommend getting a mentor
within your first few Expert Giver meetings. At least, choose a temporary mentor and exchange
numbers within the first two meetings. The first step is to become accountable to another person. I
recommend daily phone contact for the first month, and weekly in-person meetings of at least an
hour, if possible. A mentor will be your guide through the remaining steps below.
Are you teachable? Acquiring humility combined with open-mindedness, willingness, and
honesty are the keys to begin managing your instinctual drives, to start your transition from a taker
to an Expert Giver.

Step 2: Completing Your Personal Inventories
In the formats suggested below, write down four different personal inventories: Resentments;
Intimate Relationships; Fears; and Character Defects.
I recommend keeping your inventories private from others. They will be only for you and your
mentor to review together, after which you may choose to dispose of them or save them for review
later.
There will never be a perfect time to begin writing out the lists below. You just need to start.
Once you begin writing, it will start flowing. I found that I got most of it done in a couple of sittings
over several hours. But everyone will be different about the time required. The first time you have
thirty minutes to dedicate to it, do it. Don’t put it off. It’s important. Completing these inventories
will be life-changing.
Resentment defined:
- Bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.
List Your Resentments. In the following sections, you will be creating four resentment lists,
which you will ultimately combine into one master list that will look like Table 1, below:


Resentment List #1: Name All of Your Resentments by Offenders. Either by hand or with a
computer spreadsheet, create a four-column list as in Figure 2, above. Label the first column,
“Resentment List #1 (Offenders).” Then list all the people and institutions that you still feel angry
toward—everyone you hold a grudge against, in any order you think of them. This list might contain
family members, friends, previous bosses, policemen, judges, teachers, bullies, institutions,
politicians, former romantic partners, and so on.
Table 2, below, shows an example of Resentment List #1:


Resentment List #2: Name All of Your Resentments by What Happened and the Instincts
Affected. Label the second column, “Resentment List #2 (What Happened / Instincts Affected).”
Then describe exactly what happened that made you upset. If there is more than one offense to list
under that person or organization, write them all down.
How did the person or organization wrong you? What did they do to hurt you or make you
angry? Does what he or she did affect your instincts for sex or security? Throughout this book, I
have mostly referred to security as it relates to money. However, as we noted earlier, in addition to
financial security, there are also personal and emotional security. When we examine our resentments
and which instincts are affected by them, it may be our personal or emotional security that was
affected instead of our financial security. So as you are labeling which instincts are affected, security
can be thought of as money, physical health and safety, or emotional/social well-being.
Some examples of your financial security being affected might include: (1) someone took away
your income or job; (2) someone stopped providing for you; or (3) someone set a boundary that cut
off your resources.
Some examples of your personal security being affected might be: (1) someone harmed you
physically; (2) someone threatened to harm you physically; or (3) someone deprived you of food and
shelter.
Some examples of your emotional security being affected might be: (1) someone hurt your
feelings; (2) someone abandoned you; or (3) someone interfered with an important relationship in
your life.
Some examples of your sex instinct being affected might include: (1) someone cheated on you
sexually; (2) someone stopped providing sex for you; or (3) someone shamed you about your sexual
desires or orientation.
Table 3, below, shows an example of Resentment List #2:


This second list will reveal all the blocks that keep you poisoned with anger and resentment.
Resentments are poisons that are hurting you, not the people or institutions that you feel angry
toward.
You have now listed all the people who have harmed you or whom you are mad at; you have
listed exactly what happened; and you have listed whether the action threatened your instincts
concerning sex or security. When you are done with List #2, you are now ready to determine if you
played a part in any of your resentments.
List #3: Determining Your Part in Each Resentment. The third part of your resentment
inventory is to describe in writing your part in creating or causing your resentments. To make this
third list, for each offender write down your part in causing the person to react negatively to you.
Was the other party reacting to or retaliating for something you did? People often do things that
hurt us because we stepped on their toes in some way, or we had some part to play in causing their
reaction. But many times, we are unaware of the part that we played. When we think about it, we
usually find that we have blamed others for retaliating for something that we started in the first
place. In the My Part list, you take responsibility for your own actions. The task of finding and
admitting your part is about reviewing your fault, not the other person’s fault. This exercise is about
looking at yourself, not others.
What is your part, and where are you to blame? This shifts your perspective from nurturing a
victim mentality to owning up to how you played a part, taking responsibility for the role you
played. That requires honesty, humility, and courage to examine your part for the first time. It is not
easy to look at your own part, or to admit what you did that caused another person to harm you.
Most people only focus on the other person, ignore their own part, and justify being a victim. It’s
natural for us to blame others; that’s our default mode. It takes courage and humility to look at and
acknowledge our own part honestly. That is the beginning of the truth setting you free.
On your third list, here are some questions to help you examine if you played a part in your
resentments. You don’t need to write out all the questions. Just use them as guidelines to uncover
your role in reviewing your part, if any, in what happened.
- Was I taking advantage of others, using them, or expecting more than I should have from
them?
- Did I make demands or set expectations for them that they did not agree to fulfill?
- Did they set a boundary or limit that I didn’t like, and so I reacted in anger?
- What did I do to them first for them to react this way?
- Did I threaten their instincts for sex or security?
- Did they threaten my instincts for sex or security?
- Did I lie, cheat, or steal?
- What could I have done differently?
Even if other people deserve some portion of the blame, this inventory is not about them—it is
about examining your part in how you caused people to react against you—in other words, you
discover your own part in causing your resentment.
Table 4, below, shows an example of Resentment List #3:


List #4: Practicing Forgiveness of Resentments in Which You Played No Part. What about
when, as with the Male Mugger above, you have no part in your resentment? Sometimes sick,
ignorant, or criminal people harm us for no reason caused by us, but still they hurt us. In some
instances, we are truly the victim of another’s selfish, harmful actions. How do we deal with
resentments that we haven’t caused? The answer may initially seem impossible. But the resentment
that you feel only hurts you.
Forgiveness goes against your feelings of “justified” resentment. However, ultimately,
forgiveness is the solution, because the forgiveness is really for you and your freedom from the
resentment. To forgive despite your “justified” anger is no easy task. But resentments are the number
one block that hold us back from unconditional giving to and serving of others. To be truly free, you
must forgive the other party—but it is a hard choice to make.
Table 5, below, shows an example of Resentment List #4:


So, how do you practice forgiveness? At times when you are alone, I suggest that you say out
loud, “I forgive ‘so-and-so’ for doing ‘such-and-such’ because he or she is a sick, ignorant, or
criminal person operating from his or her instincts. I hope that ‘so-and-so’ figures out how to
become giving in this life, so he or she can have all the happiness, peace, joy, and wisdom available
to a human being.” I would suggest doing this every day until the resentment is gone, and you have
totally forgiven the other person. It’s not easy, but it has worked for me, taking anywhere from one
to three weeks. Forgiveness is the biggest give, and it is required for you to heal and be free.
Now that you have completed all four sections of your Resentment Inventory (Offenders; What
Happened / Instincts Affected; My Part; and Forgiveness), you are ready to begin your Intimate
Relationship Inventory.
List Your Intimate Relationships. Make a list of all the people with whom you have had
previous intimate relations, using their first name or initials. The purpose here is not to describe or
discuss details of how and what we have done sexually, or our sexual tastes and preferences. To that
I say, “To each his own.”
Create a list of all your previous intimate partners. As you list each name, write out the answers
to each question below:
- Selfishness: How was I ever selfish?
- Dishonesty: How was I ever dishonest?
- Inconsideration: How was I ever inconsiderate?
- Jealousy: How did I ever create jealousy?
- Alternative Behavior: What could I have done differently?
Examples:


List Your Fears. Fear is defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or
something is dangerous and likely to cause us pain or threat.” Fear is based on the belief that we will
lose something that we already possess, or won’t get something that we want, need, or demand.
Fears are based on our survival instincts, for they help to keep us alive. But they are also the primary
cause of our self-centeredness. Human beings have a complex design, which inclines us to be
suspicious and not immediately trust other people. We are on guard against being hurt, conned, or
tricked. The world is selfish, so fear drives everyone to varying degrees.
When our basic physiological needs for food and shelter are met, we experience less stress and
fear, which allows us to become more giving toward others. Our instincts create the fears that drive
our insecurities of not having enough—primarily not having enough financial, personal, or
emotional security. The drives of our fears and instincts tell us that “more” will fulfill us—but
“satisfaction” is never obtained. We can get stuck living in a constant state of fear and lack, which
then converts excess wants into needs that can never be satisfied, no matter how much we obtain.
We do need some level of selfishness to survive, but once our basic needs are met, most of us still
want “more.” Just when we should be slowing down for the stop sign, our instinctual drives, fueled
by fear, reach down and push the gas pedal all the way to the floor.
Write down a numbered list of all your fears, and relate them to the instinct affected:
1. Fear of losing my job. (Financial, Personal, and Emotional Security)
2. Fear of losing my intimate partner. (Sex & Emotional Security)
3. Fear of losing my house. (Financial, Personal, and Emotional Security)
4. Fear of dying from cancer (Personal and Emotional Security)
5. Etc.
List Your Character Defects. Our main character defects are based on fear and selfcenteredness. Write out how the character defects below appear in your life today, so you can
become aware of how they block your ability to give. Ask yourself how the following thoughts do or
do not apply to you:
1. Greed: I don’t have enough to share with others, and I always need more to be okay. It
doesn’t matter how much I accumulate. No matter how much I have, I am always dissatisfied,
so I justify being selfish, wanting more, and needing to keep more for myself. My goal is to
always be as generous as possible. List examples of my being greedy, writing down the who
and the why.
2. Jealousy: I don’t like others because they threaten to take away what is mine, such as my
sexual partner, my money, or my resources. My goal is to never be jealous. List some
examples of my being jealous, writing down the who and the why.
3. Envy: With this cousin of jealousy, I resent others for having what I want. It is a feeling of
discontent aroused by others’ possessions, qualities, attributes, or luck. My goal is to always
want the best for others. List the people I envy and why.
4. Doubt: Doubt is the biggest destroyer of dreams. My goal is to always practice persistence
toward goals despite my doubts. List doubts that I have, writing down the what and the why.
5. Worrying: When I dwell on troubles over which I have no control, I become anxious. My
goal is never to worry about things I have no control over. List things I worry about which I
have no control over.
6. Revenge: This character defect involves righting a wrong with another wrong—“an eye for
an eye”—when the actual solution is forgiveness. When I hurt others, I hurt myself. My goal
is to forgive everyone, wishing them happiness, peace, and joy in this life. That, in turn, will
set me free. List those people I would like to seek revenge against, and why. (You may wish to
review your Resentments List, above.)
7. Sloth: This character defect involves the reluctance to work or to contribute to one’s own
expenses. If sloth is unrelated to physical or mental incapabilities, it is a form of selfishness.
My goal is to always earn my own way. List how I am slothful, and why.
8. Gluttony: When I eat excessively, I hurt myself by becoming overweight and suffering from
all the associated health problems. My goal is to take excellent care of my body and my
health. List examples of how I am gluttonous, and why.
9. Lust: Strong sexual desire is not bad unless I harm others or myself, or am dishonest with
others for sexual motives. My goal is for my sexual relations to be totally honest and cause
harm to no one. List examples of how my sexual desires have harmed others, and why. (You
may wish to review your Intimate Relations List, above.)
10. Controlling: Control involves imposing my will on others. My goal is to always live and let
live. List examples of how I try to control others, and why.
11. Pride: Pride has two completely opposite definitions, one positive and one negative. The
positive definition refers to feelings of self-worth and self-respect. The negative definition
refers to feelings of vanity and arrogance, which are actually a mask for low self-esteem.
Positive pride is associated with giving, whereas negative pride is associated with taking. My
goal is to seek humility and to become more giving and of service to others, which leads me
to positive pride and turns me away from negative pride. List examples of how I display
positive and negative pride, and why

Step 3: Reviewing All Four of Your Inventories with Your Mentor
Once you complete all four inventories in Step 2, arrange a meeting with your mentor to humbly
and honestly go over all the lists together, being open to feedback that helps you to see things that
you could not see on your own.
This step will take courage and humility to follow through on. It requires you to trust another
person with intimate details about yourself, making you vulnerable to him or her. You may be
apprehensive about doing this, but you will find that once you start to truly open up to another
human being, it will feel like lifting a weight off your shoulders. By being truly honest about
yourself with another person, you will find that your mentor will be able to help you to uncover
more of your responsibility for your own resentments—which we called “My Part” in the
resentments list you filled out above in Step 2.
You may think you did a good job of listing your part when you were completing that list, but I
can tell you from experience that another person can help you to uncover and see more of your faults
than you can on your own. The mentor’s main job is to point out your own part in causing your
resentments, so that you can change your future behavior by becoming accountable for how you
have minimized or justified hurting others in the past. You need other people to help you see those
things about yourself. Over time, you will become better at seeing your part on your own, but in the
beginning, you are mostly blind to it without help from another. Again, accepting help from a
mentor in this way will initially take courage and humility—but it will be the beginning of an
incredible bond and friendship.
There is great value in someone knowing who you really are, with the insight to then give you
valuable feedback. That will prepare you for the future, when you will mentor others. However, you
must be a student before you can become a teacher. Receiving feedback from a mentor is not about
being shamed for your bad behavior. Rather, it is about being open to reviewing your behavior,
taking accountability for it, and not being a victim.
Reviewing all your inventories with a mentor will ignite powerful changes in your life, enabling
a positive direction for your future. Once you start this process with another person who has a
genuine loving intent to help you grow, you will want to share more with him or her, and to become
increasingly open to getting feedback. It is a leap into practicing humility. By being willing to take
this step, you will make real progress in your own growth, which will lead to a better life for
yourself and everyone you know by allowing another person to help you remove the blocks that are
in the way of you becoming an Expert Giver.
After completing your inventory lists and reviewing them entirely and honestly with your
mentor, you should tell him or her any secrets that you feel shame or guilt about. Secrets eat at us
from the inside and keep us sick. When they are shared with another person, that takes away most of
their power. In turn, your mentor may share with you a secret that has weighed him or her down. If
your secrets involve a crime for which you could be jailed, you can describe it in general terms so as
not to reveal exact details, or you may choose to share the secrets anonymously with a priest.
This kind of trust makes for the strongest possible friendships and bonds, creating a cycle of
giving and receiving. Helping you is helping me, and vice versa. In this process between you and
your mentor, both of you give and receive. You are giving your mentor your trust and opportunities
for him or her to give back to you. It is always a two-way street of healthy giving and receiving.
Both parties benefit. It’s a win-win situation.
You will experience all this from the other side when you become a mentor yourself. There will
be no greater joy or reward for you than to become trusted by others, to be a part of their success and
growth, and to create genuine bonds with them based on trust. In that relationship, your only
intention will be to want the other person to grow, succeed, become less self-centered, and start
helping and connecting with others. Nothing feels better than that.

Step 4: Making a List of Amends and Reviewing It with Your Mentor
Make a list of amends that you owe to others, and then review the list with your mentor.
First, go back to your Resentment List #3 (Your Part), and reexamine those resentments that you
learned you had a part in creating. Those resentments will become the bulk of your Amends List.
Second, go back and review your Intimate Relationship List, adding those individuals to your list
whom you think you owe an amends.
You do not have to review your Forgiveness List, because you have already practiced
forgiveness with anyone on that list (e.g., the Male Mugger), and you do not have to make amends to
anyone on that list, because you did not harm anyone on that list (they harmed you).
Fourth, think of people or organizations who are not on any of your previous lists, but you
harmed in some way, such as by lying, stealing, or cheating. Add them to your Amends List, which
is now complete.
Remember—and this is very important—you are not yet doing Step 5. That is, you are not yet
making amends. And you are not yet deciding if and how you will make amends. You are only
making a list of the amends you may need to make. If you have an urge to make some amends
immediately, resist.
First, you need to meet with your mentor and review the amends that you wish to make and how
you wish to make them. Then, with the mentor’s feedback, determine which amends to make now,
which ones to make later, and which ones not to make at all. You do not want to make any amends
that will cause harm to anyone else in any way. Make all these decisions with your mentor.
Remember, you are accountable to your mentor, whose role is to help you become a better giver,
and to prevent you from ignorantly harming others. If you make amends your way, without first
consulting your mentor, you can do unnecessary harm. This is especially true if you make amends to
former romantic partners, which can cause more harm than good. When you contact a former
romantic partner to apologize, be certain that you do not have a sexual motive. Remember, amends
are not about you feeling better while making someone else feel worse. It is for you and your mentor
to decide together when making amends is needed.
Your mentor will also help you to decide the best way to make your amends. It may be face-toface, over the phone, through e-mail, anonymously, or not at all. In some cases, not contacting the
injured party is the amends you need to make. To confess to cheating on a former partner just to get
it off your chest will only cause further harm. That is selfish and not recommended. If you are
planning on confessing to cheating on a current partner, your amends may be not to tell him or her,
but instead to resolve never to cheat on anyone ever again. This is called a “living amends.”
Then there are financial amends, which may involve owing people or organizations money that
you have borrowed or stolen. How do you make those wrongs right? Do you call up a person or
company and admit a crime, thereby putting your freedom and income in jeopardy? No, especially if
other people depend on your income. This falls under the category of amends that cause further
harm.
In some cases, it may be best to come up with a plan with your mentor to repay money
anonymously. If you cannot find the people to repay, or they have died, you can repay them
indirectly by donating to some cause they may have approved of. In some cases, it is best not to
make the amends immediately, but to wait for the best timing. Your plan of action concerning your
amends should be discussed and decided with your mentor.

Step 5: Making Your Amends
After you review with your mentor which amends to make and how to make them, start making
those amends.
Now that you have gone over with your mentor which amends to make and which not to make,
and the how and when to make them, you can begin to make them without delay. Some may require
you to wait for an opportunity to present itself. With money that you owe, you should pay it back
immediately, assuming you are able to. Otherwise, immediately start a payment plan with the
individual or company, as you decided earlier with your mentor. Once you have worked out the
specifics of each amends, including the methods and the timing, you can move forward with
courage.
After the amends process begins, you will start to experience a freedom and peace that you had
not previously known. You will have a new perspective on life. Self-pity will fade away. Your desire
to help others will grow, and selfishness will begin to fade and be less of a challenge. You will
become less interested in selfish things, and more interested in helping others. Your fear of people
and economic insecurity will leave you. You will have new meaning and purpose in your life that
you didn’t have before. You will experience a level of happiness, joy, wisdom, and peace previously
unknown to you.

Step 6: Take a Daily Personal Inventory and Promptly Admit When You Are Wrong
Every day, complete your Daily Personal Inventory (see below), reviewing your resentments,
intimate relationships, fears, and character defects. Write down any new amends to review with
your mentor, and practice forgiveness when the need arises. Also, evaluate your giving during the
day, determining whether it was unconditional, or if you gave with conditional selfish motives.
Denial and instincts are powerful forces that never go away. So long as we are human, we are
never fully cured of our instinctual drives, desires, and motives, which direct us to be selfish. That
part of us will always take more and give less. It usually dominates our choices if we leave ourselves
unaccountable and unchecked.
At the end of each day, take your personal inventory. I suggest either printing out several copies
of the Daily Personal Inventory table provided below, or getting a notebook in which, while you
refer to the table, you only write down any new items that come up. I also suggest that you have a
weekly meeting with your mentor to go over your Daily Personal Inventory, in order to maintain
accountability to yourself and another.
First, examine any new resentments you may have. If you need to make amends to anyone, list
those to discuss with your mentor how and when you will make them. If you need to forgive anyone,
start practicing the forgiveness as described in Step 2, above.
Second, review if you experienced any character defects today, thinking about how you can
improve.
Third, examine if you were selfish, dishonest, inconsiderate, or jealous in your intimate
relationship(s) today. And write down what you could have done differently.
Fourth, list any new fears you may have experienced that day, and write down whether they
affected your financial, emotional, or personal security or your sexual relations.
Fifth, write down examples of how you gave to others throughout the day, noting in each case
whether you gave unconditionally or with financial or sexual motives.
Taking a Daily Personal Inventory, meeting with your mentor to discuss your Daily Inventories
weekly, and regularly attending Expert Giver Groups are all ongoing actions to maintain progress in
becoming a more Expert Giver.

Step 7: Mentoring Others
Mentor others who are willing to go through the above steps. Be as unconditionally giving as
you can in service to others. Be open to starting an Expert Giver Group in your area.
Now that you have completed the previous 6 steps, you can offer your guidance as a mentor to
other people. You now have the experience to walk others through the steps.
When an Expert Giver Group is just beginning, the participants will not yet have experience
completing the 7 Steps of Expert Giver Groups. Thus, at first, the participants will pair up to mentor
each other. But as the group matures, newer members can decide whether or not to select their
mentors from more experienced members.
When someone agrees to be your mentor, arrange a weekly time to get together with the goal of
discussing and working through the 7 Steps.

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